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WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE BUT WHAT THE HECK TO DRINK?!

Posted by capcityspeakers on June 7, 2017

By Dr. Brad Nieder

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There’s an apocryphal story of a woman who attended her first Weight Watchers follow-up meeting and said, “I’m having trouble with the 68 bottles of water a day.”  Poor lady.  She had heard the instructor wrong at the previous meeting. Six to eight bottles.  That’s the range she was told (which, by the way, is apocryphal in and of itself).

It’s been over ten years since Lewis Black thoroughly and hilariously (and with an abundance of expletives!) covered the topic of bottled water.  Yet we’re still unnecessarily buying it, paying a lot of money and using a lot of energy to package, transport and refrigerate it.  And then we’re polluting the planet even more when the bottles wind up in landfills or the ocean.

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It’s crazy, especially when you consider that tap water is safe to drink in almost all parts of the country.

Yet it seems there are more varieties of bottled water than ever: mineral water, spring water, distilled water, purified, vitamin-infused, ionized …

Soon they’ll sell us expensive ice by calling it “frozen concentrated water.”

Or maybe they’ll sell us condensed water.  Just add … water!  (Half-filled bottles you simply fill up at the tap!?)

Instead of coffee houses we’ll have water houses where you can order a tall half reverse-osmosis-filtered vitamin E-infused sparkling Aquafina and half distilled Artesian kiwi-infused Deep Rock with 3 squirts of O2 and a double shot of Fiji with an Evian magnesium mineral boost all over Dasani ice cubes … nonfat … no whip.

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One of the more ludicrous options is oxygenated water. Our lungs are great at obtaining oxygen, folks.  Our digestive tracts, not so much.  Unless you’ve developed gills in your stomach, I’d save the water for your pet fish.

And speaking of our pets, there’s actually water specifically formulated to appeal to our four-legged friends.  “But Dr. Brad,” you may say, “my dog drinks out of the toilet!”  Indeed.  Yet people buy this stuff.

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Come to think of it, maybe all this nonsense started with toilet water (“eau de toilette”) … for which we pay good money to spray on ourselves!  “If they’ll do that,” said the marketers, “let’s sell them a bunch of bogus waters to drink, too!”

So, unless you’re in Flint, MI, feel free to go straight to the tap for your 68 (or six to eight) glasses a day. Otherwise you’re just flushing away your money in the water closet.

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The Healthy Humorist® Weighs In On Healthy Eating

Posted by capcityspeakers on September 1, 2016

by Brad Nieder, MD–The Healthy Humorist®

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I know!  I know!  I seem like a hypocrite.  I call myself The Healthy Humorist®, yet whenever I write about diet and nutrition, I appear to be decidedly unhealthy.  Cheesesteaks in Philly.  Pizza in Chicago.  Barbecue in … well, wherever it’s nearby!  (See The Healthy Humorist®’s Unhealthy Eating Adventure Across America (#THHUEAAA).)

But that’s me on the road.  I splurge.  Most of the time, though, I try to eat healthy.  And I encourage others to do the same, offering nutrition advice whenever I have an audience.  With so many diet plans (sorry, “lifestyle choices”) out there, I know how confusing the issue can be.

Caveman+with+Food+TrayAt the moment, many of my friends swear by the Paleo diet.  They tell me that our caveman ancestors in the Paleolithic era did not develop heart disease or cancer despite eating a lot of animal protein and very few carbohydrates.  But what they don’t point out is that those same caveman ancestors didn’t live long enough to develop such diseases, as they all died in their mid-twenties via dinosaur trampling.

Anyway, if you’re trying to lose weight, here’s the plan I recommend:

  1. Eat whatever you want.
  2. Eat as much as you want.
  3. Don’t exercise at all.
  4. Drink eight glasses of water a day … from Guadalajara, Mexico.

You’ll quickly lose a lot of weight (and your appetite!)  And you’ll gain a sense of accomplishment (and a bottle of Imodium!)

Ha!  I am kidding of course.  The truth is I keep my nutrition advice very simple.  First, choose healthy foods. Read the rest of this entry »

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Music Therapy: Sing Along with the Healthy Humorist®

Posted by capcityspeakers on March 31, 2016

by Brad Nieder, MD, CSP, The Healthy Humorist

I often promote laughter as the best medicine.  But music is good medicine, too!

Music training has been shown to increase brain plasticity.  Or bridge the cerebral hemispheres.  Or do something else neurologic I don’t quite understand.

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Stroke patients have demonstrated improved mood and memory following music therapy (unless subjected to incessant death metal music).

And in one study, pre-op patients who listened to music were less anxious than those who got an anti-anxiety drug.  (The group that received both Valium and Kenny G died instantly.)

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Heck, The Doobie Brothers even sang “Music is the doctor,” which is a strong statement from a band that obviously was an early proponent of medical marijuana.

Singing is especially therapeutic.  Like laughter, it has been shown to help relieve pain, dilate blood vessels, reduce stress hormone levels and boost antibodies.

So it’s no surprise that music is becoming more common in healthcare.  In fact, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) has a song recommendation for everyone: “Row Row Row Your Boat.”  You’re supposed to sing it when you wash your hands.  That way you know you’ve washed away all the germs.  I’m a germophobe, though, so I always sing Gordon Lightfoot’s “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”  Twice.  It’s like ten minutes long, folks!  I know it’s a bit odd in public restrooms but, hey, I’m always very clean!  And I love it when the guys in the stalls hold up their lighters for me.  (Serves two purposes!)

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Not to be outdone, the American Heart Association (AHA) has a song recommendation for you if you ever need to do CPR: The Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive.”  It’s true!  It’s part of the CPR training now!  Just remember to avoid the Travolta moves!  You must keep both hands on the patient when doing chest compressions!  Obviously the song is easy to remember.  And it’s a good mantra to have when trying to save someone’s life.  But most important, it has the perfect number of beats per minute for effective CPR.  It took the AHA a while to figure out the best song.  First they recommended you sing Elton John’s old hit “Someone Saved My Life Tonight.”  It was the right message but it was too slow; all the patients died.  Then they had the opposite problem—meaning they had the right beats per minute but the wrong message—when they recommended Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust.”  Worst of all was Roberta Flack’s lovely old ballad “Killing Me Softly with His Song.”  Too slow AND very inappropriate!

But why stop at hand washing and CPR?  There are so many great songs for other procedures and medical specialties.

Cardiologists have the most playlist options, as there are many songs about broken hearts.

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Psychiatrists have a lot of options, too, but they usually just play Patsy Cline’s “Crazy” on a loop.

Obstetricians like Semisonic’s “Closing Time” for childbirth.  (Really.  Listen carefully to the clever lyrics!)

Orthopedic surgeons opt for Hip Hop and George Thorogood’s “Bad to the Bone.”  (They also sing “Head Shoulders Knees & Toes” quietly to themselves as a pre-op anatomy refresher.)

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Any good ophthalmology playlist starts with “Doctor, My Eyes” by Jackson Browne and ends with Johnny Nash’s “I Can See Clearly Now.”

Sex reassignment surgeons have Shania Twain’s “Man, I Feel Like a Woman,” Aerosmith’s “Dude (Looks Like a Lady),” Aretha Franklin’s “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman,” and of course “Lola” by The Kinks.

Dermatology procedures tend to be quick and easy (and expensive!)  So the whole list is usually “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” (Frank Sinatra) followed by Dire Straits’ “Money for Nothing.”

I’m sure you have your own favorites.  Feel free to (ahem) chime in.  And while music may be good medicine, it’s certainly no panacea.  Rocker David Bowie, who received an honorary doctorate from Boston’s Berklee College of Music in 1999, offered this pearl of wisdom to his peers: “Any list of advice I have to offer to a musician always ends with, ‘If it itches, go and see a doctor.’”

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